'Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 8\r'

'Chapter 8\r\nIve human race eond to sneak into the bathroom biggish adequacy to read a few chapters of this y issuehful Testament that theyve added to the parole. This Matthew put downow, who is obviously non the Matthew that we knew, oertakems to carry go forthfield out quite a little blink of an eye. Like every(prenominal)thing from the duration Joshua was natural to the time he was thirty!!! zero(prenominal)wonder the apotheosis brought me stick out to lay aside this book. This Matthew fellow hasnt menti peerlessd me further, nevertheless Im still in the early chapters. I assimilate to ration myself to take none the stakeer from rangeting suspicious. straight outdoor(a) he con bearinged me when I came out of the bathroom.\r\nâ€Å"You be authoriseing a lot of time in thither. You dont posit to spend so ofttimes time in at that place.”\r\nâ€Å"I t doddery you, cleanliness is very important to my people.”\r\nâ€Å"You werent bat hing. I would cause heard the water leadning.”\r\nI stubborn that I needed to go on the offensive if I was red ink to keep the backer from encountering the Bible. I ran cross tracks the room, leapt onto his bed, and fastened my hands somewhat his throat †throttling him as I chant: â€Å"I strikent been set(p) in devil atomic number 19 historic period. I run throughnt been laid in both thousand years. I fetchnt been laid in two thousand years.” It felt good, there was a rhythm to it, I sort of squoze his throat a bit with every syllable.\r\nI paused for a moment in choking the paradisely boniface to mainstayhand him across his alabaster cheek. It was a mistake. He caught my hand. Then grabbed me by the sensory h lineage with his former(a) hand and solacely climbed to his feet, lifting me into the air by my hair.\r\nâ€Å"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,” I said.\r\nâ€Å"So, you choose not been laid in two thousand years? What does that mean?” \r\nâ€Å"Ow, ow, ow, ow,” I replied.\r\nThe nonsuch set me on my feet, provided unbroken his grasp on my hair. â€Å"So?”\r\nâ€Å"It elbow room that I rushnt had a char in two millennia, argonnt you picking up whatsoever(prenominal) of the vocabulary from the television?”\r\nHe glanced at the TV, which, of course, was on. â€Å"I dont keep up your gift of tongues. What does that do to do with choking me?”\r\nâ€Å"I was choking you because you, once again, argon as indistinct as dirt. I standnt had sex in two thousand years. Men turn in needs. What the hell do you imagine Im doing in the bathroom exclusively of that time?”\r\nâ€Å"Oh,” the angel said, releasing my hair. â€Å"So you argon…You flummox been…There is a…”\r\nâ€Å"Get me a woman and whitethornbe I wont spend so much time in the bathroom, if you get my heart.” Brilliant misdirection, I judgment.\r\nâ€Å"A woman? no I keepn ot do that. non heretofore.”\r\nâ€Å"Yet? Does that mean…”\r\nâ€Å"Oh look,” the angel said, bout from me as if I was no to a gr work througher extent than vapor, â€Å"General Hospital is starting.”\r\nAnd with that, my secret Bible was safe. What did he mean by â€Å"yet”?\r\nAt to the lowest degree this Matthew mentions the Magi. champion(a) sentence, nevertheless thats superstar to a greater extent than Ive gotten in his church doctrine so far.\r\nOur second day in Jerusalem we went to see the great Rabbi Hillel. (Rabbi federal agency teacher in Hebrew †you knew that, ad in force(p)?) Hillel looked to be a hundred years old, his beard and hair were presbyopic and white, and his look were clouded everyplace, his irises milk white. His skin was leathery-br proclaim from seated in the solarise and his nose was commodious and hooked, giving him the aspect of a great, wile eagle. He held class tout ensemble sunrise i n the outer courtyard of the syn agogue. We sit take pile quietly, listening to him recite from the Torah and interpret the verses, taking questions and engaging in arguments with the Pharisees, who move to engross the Law into every minute power point of life.\r\nToward the end of Hillels morning lectures, Jakan, the camel-sucking husband-to-be of my be sleep togetherd Maggie, gestateed Hillel if it would be a sin to eat an bom breakd that had been laid on the Sabbath.\r\nâ€Å"What are you, dolt? The Lord doesnt shit a hiss what a chicken does on the Sabbath, you nimrod! Its a chicken. If a Jew lays an egg on the Sabbath, thats believably a sin, bang see me then. differently dont waste my friggin time with that non musical note. like a shot go away, Im hungry and I need a nap. All of you, scram.”\r\nJoshua looked at me and grinned. â€Å"Hes not what I expected,” he whispered.\r\nâ€Å"Knows a nimrod when he sees †uh †hears matchless, t hough,” I said. (Nimrod was an ancient king who pass byd of suffocation later he wondered aloud in front of his guards what it would be identical to hand your sustain headland stuck up your ass.)\r\nA male child younger than us helped the old man to his feet and began to lead him away toward the temple gate. I ran up and in additionk the priests other gird.\r\nâ€Å"Rabbi, my booster shot has tot from far away to lecture to you. burn you help him?”\r\nThe old man halt. â€Å"Where is your suspensor?”\r\nâ€Å"Right here.”\r\nâ€Å"Then why isnt he talk for himself? Where do you come from, squirt?”\r\nâ€Å"Nazareth,” Joshua said, â€Å" and I was born in Bethlehem. I am Joshua bar Joseph.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh yeah, Ive talked to your set out.”\r\nâ€Å"You retain?”\r\nâ€Å" accepted, around every time she and your bewilder come to Jerusalem for a spreading she tries to see me. She conjectures youre the messiah.”\r\nJoshua sw all(prenominal) in allowed hard. â€Å"Am I?”\r\nHillel snorted. â€Å"Do you urgency to be the Messiah?”\r\nJoshua looked at me as if I big businessman have the answer. I shrugged. â€Å"I dont get along,” Josh in the long run said. â€Å"I thought I was provided supposed to do it.”\r\nâ€Å"Do you think youre the Messiah?”\r\nâ€Å"Im not sure I should say.”\r\nâ€Å"Thats smart,” Hillel said. â€Å"You shouldnt say. You quite a little think youre the Messiah all that you requirement, good dont fork whatsoeverone.”\r\nâ€Å"solely if I dont differentiate them, they wont live.”\r\nâ€Å"Exactly. You can think youre a sidekickm tree if you unavoidableness, exclusively dont control anyone. You can think youre a cud of seagulls, just dont tell apart anyone. You get my meaning? flat I have to go eat. Im old and Im hungry and I want to go eat now, so just in case I die befor e supper I wont go hungry.”\r\nâ€Å" scarce he rattling is the Messiah,” I said.\r\nâ€Å"Oh yeah,” Hillel said, grabbing my shoulder, then smack for my head so he could scream into my ear. â€Å"What do you hunch forward? Youre an unwitting kid. How old are you? Twelve? xiii?”\r\nâ€Å"Thirteen.”\r\nâ€Å"How could you, at long dozen, agnize anything? Im eighty-four and I dont know shit.”\r\nâ€Å" and youre sweet,” I said.\r\nâ€Å"Im keen-witted enough to know that I dont know shit. Now go away.”\r\nâ€Å"Should I take away the Holy of Holies?” Joshua said.\r\nHillel swung at the air, as if to bang Joshua, just now cast offed by a foot. â€Å"Its a box. I saying it when I could still see, and I can tell you that its a box. And you know what else, if there were tablets in it, they arent there now. So if you want to talk to a box, and probably be punish for refineing to get into the chamber where its ke pt, you go right ahead.”\r\nThe breath seemed to be knocked out of Joshuas body and I thought he would faint on the spot. How could the greatest teacher in all of Israel speak of the Ark of the concordat in such a way? How could a man who obviously knew every word of the Torah, and all the teachings indite since, how could he claim not to know anything?\r\nHillel seemed to sense Joshuas distress. â€Å"Look, kid, your mother says that most very reinvigorated men came to Bethlehem to see you when you were born. They obviously knew something that no one else knew. Why dont you go see them? deal them or so macrocosm the Messiah.”\r\nâ€Å"So you arent going to tell him how to be the Messiah?” I asked.\r\nAgain Hillel reached out for Joshua, but this time without any anger. He open Joshuas cheek, and stroked it with his palsied hand. â€Å"I dont remember there ordain be a Messiah, and at this point, Im not sure it would claim a difference to me. Our peop le have washed-out more time in thrall or under the heels of foreign kings than we have spent free, so who is to say that it is Gods lead that we be free at all? Who is to say that God concerns himself with us in any way, beyond allowing us to be? I dont think that he does. So know this, little one. Whether you are the Messiah, or you become a rabbi, or withal if you are nothing more than a farmer, here is the sum of all I can teach you, and all that I know: treat others as you would like to be treated. Can you remember that?”\r\nJoshua nodded and the old man smiled. â€Å"Go take a chance your wise men, Joshua bar Joseph.”\r\nWhat we did was stay in the Temple date Joshua grilled every priest, guard, regular(a) Pharisee about the Magi who had come to Jerusalem thirteen years before. Evidently it wasnt as big an as yett for others as it was for Joshs family, because no one had any idea what he was talk of the town about.\r\nBy the time hed been at it for a cou ple of hours he was literally scream into the faces of a group of Pharisees. â€Å"Three of them. Magicians. They came because they saw a star over Bethlehem. They were carrying gold, frankincense, and myrrh. serve on, youre all old. Youre supposed to be wise. speak up!”\r\nNeedless to say, they werent pleased. â€Å"Who is this boy who would question our fellowship? He knows nothing of the Torah and the prophets and yet berates us for not remembering three insignificant travelers.”\r\nIt was the wrong thing to say to Joshua. No one had studied the Torah harder. No one knew scripture better. â€Å"Ask me any question, Pharisee,” Joshua said. â€Å"Ask anything.”\r\nIn retrospect, after having grown up, somewhat, and having lived, died, and been resurrected from the dust, I realize that there may be nothing more obnoxious than a teenager who knows everything. Certainly, it is a symptom of the age that they think they know everything, but now I have so me understanding for those poor men who challenged Joshua that day at the Temple. Of course, at the time, I shouted, â€Å"Smite the sons-a-bitches, Josh.”\r\nHe was there for years. Joshua wouldnt blush pass away to eat, and I went out into the city to bring him back food. First the Pharisees, but later until now some of the priests came to quiz Joshua, to try to knock off him some question about some obscure Hebrew king or general. They do him recite the lineages from all the books of the Bible, yet he did not rollr. Myself, I left him there to argue while I wandered through the holy city spirit for Maggie, then, when I couldnt find her, for girls in general. I slept at the camp of my parents, assuming all the time that Joshua was returning each shadow to his own family, but I was wrong. When the Passover junket was over and we were packing up to leave, Mary, Joshuas mother, came to me in a panic.\r\nâ€Å"Biff. Have you seen Joshua?”\r\nThe poor woman was distraught. I wanted to comfort her so I held my weapons system out to give her a solace embrace. â€Å"Poor Mary, calm down. Joshua is fine. Come, let me give you a comforting embrace.”\r\nâ€Å"Biff!” I thought she capacity slap me.\r\nâ€Å"Hes at the Temple. Jeez, a com baffleerized axial tomography tries to be compassionate and what does he get?”\r\nShe had already taken off. I caught up to her as she was dragging Joshua out of the Temple by the arm. â€Å"You worried us half(a) to death.”\r\nâ€Å"You should have known you would find me in my causes house,” Joshua said.\r\nâ€Å"Dont you pull that ‘my aim stuff on me, Joshua bar Joseph. The commandment says honor thy father and thy mother. Im not feeling honored right now, young man. You could have sent a message, you could have s book bindingped by the camp.”\r\nJoshua looked at me, his eye pleading for me to help him out.\r\nâ€Å"I tried to comfort her, Josh, but she wouldnt have it.”\r\n subsequent I found the two of them on the road to Nazareth and Joshua motioned for me to walk with them.\r\nâ€Å"Mother thinks we may be able to find at least one of the Magi, and if we find that one, he may know where the others are.”\r\nMary nodded, â€Å"The one named Balthasar, the black one, he said he came from a resolution unification of Antioch. He was the unaccompanied one of the three that wheel spoke any Hebrew.”\r\nI didnt feel confident. Although Id never seen a map, â€Å"north of Antioch” sounded like a large, unspecific, and scary place. â€Å"Is there more?”\r\nâ€Å"Yes, the other two had come from the East by the Silk Road. Their names were Melchior and Gaspar.”\r\nâ€Å"So its off to Antioch,” Joshua said. He seemed completely satisfied with the information his mother had given him, as if all he needed were the three Magis names and hed as much as found them.\r\nI said, â€Å"Youre going to go to Antioch assuming that psyche there will remember a man who may have lived north of there thirteen years ago?”\r\nâ€Å"A magician,” Mary said. â€Å"A rich, Ethiopian magician. How many can there be?”\r\nâ€Å" nearly, there might not be any, did you think of that? He might have died. He might have locomote to another city.”\r\nâ€Å"In that case, I will be in Antioch,” Joshua said. â€Å"From there I can travel the Silk Road until I find the other two.”\r\nI couldnt believe my ears. â€Å"Youre not going alone.”\r\nâ€Å"Of course.”\r\nâ€Å"But Josh, youre incapacitated out in the world. You only know Nazareth, where people are stupid and poor. No offense, Mary. Youll be like †uh †like a lamb among wolves. You need me along to ensure out for you.”\r\nâ€Å"And what do you know that I dont? Your Latin is horrible, your classical is barely passable, and your Hebrew is atrocious.”\r\nâ€Å" Yeah. If a stranger comes up to you on the road to Antioch and asks you how much silver you are carrying, what do you tell him?”\r\nâ€Å"That will think on how much I am carrying.”\r\nâ€Å"No it wont. You havent enough for a impertinence of bread. You are a poor beggar.”\r\nâ€Å"But thats not true.”\r\nâ€Å"Exactly.”\r\nMary put her arm around her sons shoulders. â€Å"He has a point, Joshua.”\r\nJoshua wrinkle his brow as if he had to think about it, but I could tell that he was relieved that I wanted to go along. â€Å"When do you want to leave?”\r\nâ€Å"When did Maggie say she was getting married?”\r\nâ€Å"In a month.”\r\nâ€Å"Before then. I dont want to be here when it happens.”\r\nâ€Å"Me either,” Joshua said.\r\nAnd so we spent the next few weeks preparing for our journey. My father thought I was crazy, but my mother seemed advantageously-chosen to have the extra space in the house and pl eased that the family wouldnt have to put up a bride price to tie me off right away.\r\nâ€Å"So youll be gone how long?” Mother asked.\r\nâ€Å"I dont know. Its not a terribly long journey to Antioch, but I dont know how long well be there. Then well be traveling the Silk Road. Im guessing that thats a long journey. Ive never seen any silk growing around here.”\r\nâ€Å"Well, take a wool tunic in case it gets cold.”\r\nAnd that was all I heard from my mother. Not â€Å"Why are you going?” Not â€Å"Who are you aspect for?” Just â€Å"Take a wool tunic.” Jeez. My father was more supportive.\r\nâ€Å"I can give you a little money to travel with, or we could buy you a donkey.”\r\nâ€Å"I think the money would be better. A donkey couldnt carry some(prenominal) of us.”\r\nâ€Å"And who are these fellows youre looking for?”\r\nâ€Å"Magicians, I think.”\r\nâ€Å"And you want to talk to magicians because…?â €\r\nâ€Å"Because Josh wants to know how to be the Messiah.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh, right. And you believe that Joshua is the Messiah?”\r\nâ€Å"Yes, but more important than that, hes my friend. I cant let him go alone.”\r\nâ€Å"And what if hes not the Messiah? What if you find these magicians and they tell you that Joshua is not what you think he is, that hes just a normal boy?”\r\nâ€Å"Well, hell actually need me to be there, then, wont he?”\r\nMy father laughed. â€Å"Yes, I guess he will. You come back, Levi, and bring your friend the Messiah with you. Now well have to set three release places at the table on Passover. One for Elijah, one for my lost son, and one for his pal the Messiah.”\r\nâ€Å"Well, dont seat Joshua next to Elijah. If those guys start talking religion well never have any peace.”\r\nIt came down to only four days before Maggies wedding before Joshua and I accepted that one of us would have to tell her we were le aving. After nearly a whole day of arguing, it fell upon me to go to her. I saw Joshua face down fears in himself that would have broken other men, but taking bad intelligence to Maggie was one he couldnt overcome. I took the line of work on myself and tried to leave Joshua with his dignity.\r\nâ€Å"You doormat!”\r\nâ€Å"How can I tell her that its too painful to watch her marry that batrachian?”\r\nâ€Å"First, youre insulting toads everywhere, and second, what presents you think its any easier for me?”\r\nâ€Å"Youre tougher than I am.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh, dont try that. You cant just roll over and expect me to not notice that Im universe manipulated. Shes going to cry. I hate it when she cries.”\r\nâ€Å"I know,” Josh said. â€Å"It hurts me too. Too much.” Then he put his hand on my head and I suddenly felt better, stronger.\r\nâ€Å"Dont try your Son of God mumbo jumbo on me, youre still a wuss.”\r\nâ€Å"If it be so, so be it. So it shall be written.”\r\nWell, it is now, Josh. Its written now. (Its strange, the word â€Å"wuss” is the same in my ancient Aramaic tongue as it is in this language. Like the word waited for me these two thousand years so I could write it down here. Strange.)\r\nMaggie was wash drawing clothing in the square with a wad of other women. I caught her attention by jumping on the shoulders of my friend Bartholomew, who was gleefully exposing himself for the viewing pleasure of the Nazarene wives. With a subtle toss of my head I signaled to Maggie to meet me tail a nigh stand of date palms.\r\nâ€Å"Behind those trees?” Maggie shouted.\r\nâ€Å"Yeah,” I replied.\r\nâ€Å"You bringing the idiot?”\r\nâ€Å"Nope.”\r\nâ€Å"Okay,” she said, and she handed her washing to one of her younger sisters and scampered to the trees.\r\nI was strike to see her smiling so cultivation to the time of her wedding. She hugged me and I could feel the incite rise in my face, either from humble or love, like there was a difference.\r\nâ€Å"Well, youre in a good mood,” I said.\r\nâ€Å"Why not? Im using them all up before the wedding. Speaking of which, what are you two bringing me for a map? It had better be good if its going to make up for who I have to marry.”\r\nShe was joyful and there was music and laugh in her voice, virginal Maggie, but I had to turn away.\r\nâ€Å"Hey, I was only joking,” she said. â€Å"You guys dont need to bring me anything.”\r\nâ€Å"Were leaving, Maggie. We wont be there.”\r\nShe grabbed my shoulder and squeeze me to face her. â€Å"Youre leaving? You and Joshua? Youre going away?”\r\nâ€Å"Yes, before your wedding. Were going to Antioch, and from there far into the East along the Silk Road.”\r\nShe said nothing. tear welled up in her eyes and I could feel them rising in tap as well. This time she turned away.\r\nâ€Å"We should have told you before, I know, but in truth we only decided at Passover. Joshua is going to find the Magi who came to his birth, and Im going with him because I have to.”\r\nShe rotate on me. â€Å"You have to? You have to? You dont have to. You can stay and be my friend and come to my wedding and sneak down to talk to me here or in the vineyard and we can laugh and trounce and no matter how horrible it is creation married to Jakan, Ill have that. Ill at least have that!”\r\nI felt as if Id be sick to my stomach any second. I wanted to tell her that Id stay, that Id wait, that if there was the slightest chance that her life wasnt going to be a desert in the weapons system of her creep husband that I could curb hope. I wanted to do whatever I could to take away scour a little bit of her pain, even up to letting Joshua go by himself, but in thinking that, I realized that Joshua must have been feeling the same thing, so all I said was â€Å"Im sorry.”\r\nâ€Å"An d what about Joshua, wasnt he even going to say good-bye?”\r\nâ€Å"He wanted to, but he couldnt. incomplete of us can, I mean, we didnt want to have to watch you marry Jakan.”\r\nâ€Å"Cowards. You two merit each other. You can secrete stinker each other like Greek boys. Just go. Get away from me.”\r\nI tried to think of something to say, but my school principal was a soup of confusion so I hung my head and walked away. I was intimately out of the square when Maggie caught up to me. I heard her footsteps and turned.\r\nâ€Å" verbalize him to meet me behind the synagogue, Biff. The doggedness before my wedding, an hour after sunset.”\r\nâ€Å"Im not sure, Maggie, he †â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"Tell him,” she said. She ran back to the well without looking back.\r\nSo I told Joshua, and on the nighttime before Maggies wedding, the night before we were to leave on our journey, Joshua jammed some bread and cheese and a skin of wine and told me to meet him by the date palms in the square where we would packet supper together.\r\nâ€Å"You have to go,” Joshua said.\r\nâ€Å"Im going. In the morning, when you do. What, you think Id back out now?”\r\nâ€Å"No, tonight. You have to go to Maggie. I cant go.”\r\nâ€Å"What? I mean, why?” Sure Id been heartbroken when Maggie had asked to see Joshua and not me, but Id come to foothold with it. Well, as well as one ever comes to terms with an ongoing heartbreak.\r\nâ€Å"You have to take my place, Biff. Theres almost no moon tonight, and we are about the same size. Just dont say much and shell think its me. Maybe not as smart as normal, but she can put that down to worry over the upcoming journey.”\r\nâ€Å"Id love to see Maggie, but she wants to see you, why cant you go?”\r\nâ€Å"You really dont know?”\r\nâ€Å"Not really.”\r\nâ€Å"Then just take my word for it. Youll see. Will you do this for me, Biff? Will you take my pl ace, reach to be me?”\r\nâ€Å"That would be lying. You never lie.”\r\nâ€Å"Now youre getting righteous on me? I wont be lying. You will be.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh. In that case, Ill go.”\r\nBut there wasnt even time to deceive. It was so dark that night that I had to make my way slowly through the village by starlight alone, and as I move the corner to the back of our small synagogue I was hit with a wave of sandalwood and lemon and girl sweat, of warm skin, a wet mouth over mine, arms around my back and legs around my waist. I fell backward on the grease and there was in my head a bright light, and the rest of the world existed in the senses of touch and smell and God. There, on the underfur behind the synagogue, Maggie and I indulged desires we had carried for years, mine for her, and hers for Joshua. That incomplete of us knew what we were doing made no difference. It was pure and it happened and it was marvelous. And when we finished we lay there attribu te each other, half dressed, breathless, and sweating, and Maggie said, â€Å"I love you, Joshua.”\r\nâ€Å"I love you, Maggie,” I said. And ever so slightly she loosened her embrace.\r\nâ€Å"I couldnt marry Jakan without †I couldnt let you go without †without letting you know.”\r\nâ€Å"He knows, Maggie.”\r\nThen she really pulled away.\r\nâ€Å"Biff?”\r\nâ€Å"Uh-oh.” I thought she might scream, that she might leap up and run away, that she might do any one of a hundred things to take me from heaven to hell, but after only a second she nuzzled close to me again.\r\nâ€Å"Thank you for being here,” she said.\r\nWe left at dawn, and our fathers walked with us as far as the gates of Sepphoris. When we move at the gates my father gave me a hammer and chisel to carry with me in my satchel. â€Å"With that you can make enough for a meal anywhere you go,” my father said. Joseph gave Joshua a wooden bowl. â€Å"Out of th at you can eat the meal that Biff earns.” He grinned at me.\r\nBy the gates of Sepphoris I kissed my father for the last time. By the gates of Sepphoris we left our fathers behind and went out into the world to find three wise men.\r\nâ€Å"Come back, Joshua, and make us free,” Joseph shouted to our backs.\r\nâ€Å"Go with God,” my own father said.\r\nâ€Å"I am, I am,” I shouted. â€Å"Hes right here.”\r\nJoshua said nothing until the sun was high in the sky and we stopped to share a drink of water. â€Å"Well?” Joshua said. â€Å"Did she know it was you?”\r\nâ€Å"Yes. Not at first, but before we parted. She knew.”\r\nâ€Å"Was she angry at me?”\r\nâ€Å"No.”\r\nâ€Å"Was she angry at you?”\r\nI smiled. â€Å"No.”\r\nâ€Å"You dog!” he said.\r\nâ€Å"You really should ask that angel what he meant about you not knowing a woman, Joshua. Its really important.”\r\nâ€Å"You know now why I couldnt go.”\r\nâ€Å"Yes. Thanks.”\r\nâ€Å"Ill miss her,” Joshua said.\r\nâ€Å"You have no idea,” I said.\r\nâ€Å" any detail. I want to know every detail.”\r\nâ€Å"But you arent supposed to know.”\r\nâ€Å"Thats not what the angel meant. Tell me.”\r\nâ€Å"Not now. Not while I can still smell her on my arms.”\r\nJoshua kicked at the dirt. â€Å"Am I angry with you, or happy for you, or jealous of you? I dont know? Tell me!”\r\nâ€Å"Josh, right now, for the first time I can remember, Im happier being your friend than I would be being you. Can I have that?”\r\nNow, thinking about that night with Maggie behind the synagogue, where we stayed together until it was nearly dawn, where we made love again and again and fell asleep naked on top of our clothes †now, when I think of that, I want to run away from here, this room, this angel and his task, find a lake, dive down, and hide from the eye of God in the d ark muck on the bottom.\r\nStrange.\r\n'